Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
