so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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