idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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