3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
