I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
