who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
