Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
