She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
