youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
