addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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