i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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