Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
