this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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