How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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