Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
