Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is Oprah even human
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
