I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
