the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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