honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
