Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
