the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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