I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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