You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
