im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Randomize
