my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
