She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
