just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
