My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
