Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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