god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
