allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
