FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
