eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
