I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
