dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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