umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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