Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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