i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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