Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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