I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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