I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
