Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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