apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
