I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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