Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
