I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
