Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
