she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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