so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
