Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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