I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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