Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
