You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
