Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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