Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
