Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
