Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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