I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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