her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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