i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
